Archives for February 2013

Part 2: We Gave The Cooch Choices

So basically Cooch Watch showed up to a pretty dull book signing party and livened things up a bit.  The crusty, old, white men in line pretty much ignored us.  Great.  But security, not so much.  And by security, we mean mall cops, private security, pretty sure there were some state funded security people there also, Cooch’s staffers, and Barnes & Noble management.

But, we were armed with our newly purchased propaganda and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Chief Cooch Correspondent Lacey Landry was nervous, yet excited at the chance to finally get that exclusive interview with The Cooch.  And by exclusive interview, we mean 45 awkward seconds wherein The Cooch refused to look her in the face and kept a strange Stepford Wives-esque smile on his face while scribbling down a personalized (written by us) message.  BUT, the devil is in the details.  Sooooooo here’s the deal.

Barnes & Noble staff told everyone waiting in line that if we wanted our autographed book to be “personalized,” all we had to do was take one of their sticky notes and write down what we wanted The Cooch to write to us.  Weird? we thought so too, but we went with it.

Obviously this offered us a HUGE opportunity to have some fun with The Cooch, and also maybe see how he does under pressure.
So what did we do?

We decided to give him what he would deny us:  CHOICES.


Standing on The Cooch’s Last Line of Defense

We know y’all wanted to be with us at the Cooch Watch Book Club this
weekend. It was so much fun, that for those who couldn’t be there, we
thought we’d write up a little book report.

Picture this: Snow falls on a swanky mall deep in the DC suburbs,
Kenny’s home turf. The Cooch himself sits smugly behind a table
stacked with books, as well as a bottle of Fiji water and a gallon of
hand sanitizer. A squadron of mall cops, nervously sweating Barnes &
Noble employees, frumpy campaign staffers and pimply-faced 17 year old
Breitbart reporters hover around their right-wing savior.

A scraggly line of old white men waits in anticipation for the chance
to get a few words in with the Tea Party’s heir apparent. A splash of
red arrives on the scene on this gray day, armed with copies of
Kenny’s new novella. Lacey Landry and Cooch Watch would face The Cooch
this day. What will happen???

Stay tuned for our next installment entitled “We Gave The Cooch Choices”.

The Cooch and “Aspirin for Birth Control” Guy….

Sitting in a tree….K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
That’s right. The Cooch had to release his tax returns for last year and turns out he was given an $8,056 gift from a multi-millionaire admirer. The Washington Post reports that Foster Friess invited The Cooch for a weekend of hunting in Texas. You may or may not remember Foster Friess from when he made headlines for telling Andrea Mitchell on MSNBC:
“I get such a chuckle when these things come out. Here we have millions of our fellow Americans unemployed, we have jihadist camps being set up in Latin America, which Rick [Santorum] has been warning about, and people seem to be so preoccupied with sex. I think it says something about our culture. We maybe need a massive therapy session so we can concentrate on what the real issues are. And this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s such inexpensive. Back in my day, they used Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.

We here at Cooch Watch are guessing that a weekend get-a-way that cost $8,000 must have included things like private jets, lobster, massages, peeled grapes…well, we can only imagine!

Anyway… Millionaire Friess loves bank rolling birth control-hating candidates like Rick Santorum and perhaps now The Cooch.

We need an aspirin just thinking about it. And not for our vaginas.